Just Say ‘Mariska Hargitay’ and Snicker
By A. O. SCOTT
Published: June 20, 2008
It’s likely that the younger generation of moviegoers knows Mike Myers primarily as the voice of Shrek. It has been five years since “The Cat in the Hat,” his last live-action movie, and six since the third “Austin Powers” picture, so a bit of reintroduction may be in order. Kids who wonder just who this guy is — and grownups with a merely casual rather than morbidly obsessive interest in pop-culture ephemera — will need some remedial instruction.
Back in the ’90s, they should be told, Mr. Myers was without peer in a challenging and intensely competitive pursuit: the manufacture of comical catchphrases that, while not especially funny in themselves, would call forth peals of knowing laughter when repeated out of context.
Party on, Garth! Touch my monkey! Groovy, baby, groovy! I’ve got shpilkes in my geneckteckessoink! He had a million of them, or at least a half dozen. But to judge from “The Love Guru,” a new feature film directed by Marco Schnabel, Mr. Myers, a writer and producer as well as the star, seems to have lost his touch. The movie’s takeaway catchphrase is “Mariska Hargitay,” which is used by the title character as a fake-Hindi spiritual greeting. This is almost hilarious the first 11 or so times he does it, but by the time Guru Pitka (Mr. Myers) says “Mariska Hargitay” to Ms. Hargitay herself, it’s somehow less amusing than it should be.
Which might sum up “The Love Guru” in its entirety but only at the risk of grievously understating the movie’s awfulness. A whole new vocabulary seems to be required. To say that the movie is not funny is merely to affirm the obvious. The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.
And this is, come to think of it, something of an achievement. What is the opposite of a belly laugh? An interesting question, in a way, and to hear lines like “I think I just made a happy wee-wee” or “I’m making diarrhea noises in my cup” or to watch apprentice gurus attack one another with urine-soaked mops is to grasp the answer. Please don’t misunderstand: I’m not opposed to infantile, regressive, scatological humor. Indeed, I consider myself something of a connoisseur. Or maybe a glutton. So it’s not that I object to the idea of, say, witnessing elephants copulate on the ice in the middle of a Stanley Cup hockey match, or seeing a dwarf sent flying over the same ice by the shock of defibrillator paddles. But it will never be enough simply to do such things. They must be done well.
Instead Mr. Myers floats through “The Love Guru” with the serene confidence that everything he does will have us rolling in the aisles. He follows nearly every joke with his trademark facial tic, baring his teeth, pushing his head forward and widening his eyes, as if to grant uncertain viewers permission to giggle. Sometimes he does this to indicate the character’s attempt at levity — Guru Pitka making a joke at someone else’s expense rather than Mr. Myers making a joke at Guru Pitka’s — but the distinction hardly matters. The delusional narcissism of the Guru, who dreams of a spot on “Oprah,” is of a piece with Mr. Myers’s own.
The rule seems to be that no one may upstage him and all must adore him. The “Austin Powers” franchise fulfilled the first mandate by casting the star in several roles. He is supported by a cast that includes Justin Timberlake (as a well-endowed Québécois goalie), Romany Malco (as a hockey star with love trouble) and Jessica Alba, as the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs. A further list — Stephen Colbert! John Oliver of “The Daily Show”! Ben Kingsley! — would only create the misleading impression that there is something worth seeing here. If there is — Did I miss it? Darn! — I’m sure it will show up on YouTube before long. In the meantime talk amongst yourselves.
“The Love Guru” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). It has crude sexual humor and naughty words.
