I woke up yesterday with swollen eyes. I must have cried through the night even though I took two extra strength tylenol to get to sleep at 8pm. I woke occasionally and after midnight slept through to 530. There was no kitty to wake me up to feed her, no feeding in the morning. No looking for her after i shower. I was always acutely aware of where she was in the house, especially the last few months. There was no need to search her down before I left. I never even thought of it. It was a tough day at work. I told a few people. When i got there I saw Renee. Renee and I trained together and she and I shared cat stories. I promised her my cat toys when Whoopi passed. I will bring them to her today.
I chose people who needed to know. Kelly, Rodney, my team leader and pet lover. Someone said I looked refreshed and lit up. I looked at her in surprise. Maybe the release of worrying or caring for an elderly sick cat is showing.
It was hard to come home last night. No kitty sounds to meet me by the door. No kitty on my lap as i read the paper. no kitty to move, no kitty butt on the paper. THe same will be this weekend, no kitty on midterms as i read them. There is a hole in my chest. The sorrow is painful and deep. sometimes I cry, sometimes i just supress it.
I know i made the best decision for her. Sometimes i just want to hang out a little more. mostly I just miss her.
