HOw do i start to describe the last 9 months. It all started last April when i went into work after a job interview to find that I didnt have a job any longer. I went through the motions of cleaning out my desk and packed my car and left Queens. I went to the post office and came home in tears. My friend Dave came over and we worked on computer til i was exhausted and i went for a walk and came home to sleep.
Very Quickly, i learned to like sleeping in. Not having to wake up at 6am. I could get up whenever i wanted. I didnt start staying up to all hours of the night, unless i was out late and it take a few hours to unwind. I spent alots of the Spring and Summer walking. I would walk to the park and back and averaged 5 miles a day. I tried to keep a routine and stick to it. I maintained a weekly visit to Weight Watchers though i started going on Thursday at Noon. I didnt have a need to drive but stayed around on Tuesday to move my car at 1pm.
I saw lots of movies and lots of free music. I sprang for the big ticket artists... Paul Simon, Barbra Streisand and Bob Dylan tribute. I missed CSNY and Paul SImon in NYC. i saw Ralph Stanley with Tres Chica, Elvis Costello, Savion Glover, attended Newport FF, and Falcon ridge with Free tickets provided by FUV and Susan krauss's mom. I went to Philly to see Mary Chapin Carpenter and celebrate my friend Fays Birthday
By summers end, i was enjoying walking and hanging close to home. I really didnt want to go out at night if i didnt have to .
i used my friend's audience extras and saw some theater on sundays or saturdays at 3.00 a ticket... and i spent many many saturday and sundays and friday nights with Dar. I would drive whereever and come in rather late, then i would stay up and sleep in.
In september, i started School... not knowing when i would be working, i chose to teach saturday morning at 9am. I would get up at 6am and drive to manhattan. I had time to prepare and taught Advanced Practice with the INdividual.. i asked for two classes for this coming semester because i didnt know if i would have work.
During this time, i stopped to talk to mom and babys, pet owners and their pets and anyone who would talk to me. I met a guy named Bob, a friend of Bill W who discussed "letting go and Letting G-d" with me. I saw the same drunks on the bench daily and the elderly man and his granddaughter who sit near hte park... I saw the buds come out, turn green, grow leaves, leaves turn to brown and yellow and red and now fall off.
I didnt travel far from Here incase... It was a summer of INCASE... i cut back, incase, i bought things, incase... i didnt do things incase...lots of my time was spent thinking of INCASE...
i went up to massachusetts a few time and spent time with my family and at music events... I took one day of music and 1 day with my family...
One of the things that started to happen was i started to feel things deeply... that hard shell developed after 25 years of being a social worker started to melt away.. i find i am more compassionate and empathetic and feel deeper.. I cry more easily and care more. I shared more with the world and my attitude is more positive... i found lots of coins on the street this summer and helped neighbors, strangers and did random acts of kindness because i could. I shared whatever i had... sent Newport tickets to a stranger so she could go and gave away tickets.
IN april, i volunteered the Tribeca Film Festival and gave lots of my vouchers away.
I gave away my extra FRFF ticket and whenever i could, i helped whomever needed it.
my life slowed down and by summer end, i was getting used to doing one thing per day.. Grocery store, post office, bank.
By fall my umemployment benefits were out and i was living off my savings account. Anxiety increased and the job ads slowed down. I had been applying for any and all jobs that were appropriate and got 2-3 interview per month. by july, i was in the running for two jobs that i wanted. 1 with COFVCCA, as the Director of Training, coorinating city wide training and A trainer with the NYC training Academy. I also interviewed at the accrediation agency and was assured that there was consultant work for me. I was asked to develop trainings for web based and thought some work would come as of the interview and promise. By fall, there was still no work and no promise of work.
I would get calls from ACS periodically and by july, i had a application moving out of ACS into the MBO but with a huge pay cut. City benefits and a union job offer may be worth the cut.
i really didnt walk to talk about it much, part survival, not really sensing that anyone really understood what it was like to be out of work and having no prospects.
i rarely got depressed i just felt that no one could really empathize so i prefered not to talk about it. my WW friends and My hairdresser friends were interested and would ask how things were going. They showed a real interest in my job search and how things were going and i felt that they were cheerleaders.
people i saw alot didnt ask, i had to explain my situation alot and i just didnt want to..
before thanksgiving i answered an Ad at Tower for Xmas temporary help. I worked at minimum wage, 8 hours on my feet filing DVDs. i was sore and tired and pretty uncomfortable. I added 5 extra miles a day, and learned that tower doesnt check criminal records of the staff. I collected the stories of the staff and shared little about me. MOst worked there 20, 15, and 7 years.. no one worked there less than 5 years. They were being layed off this week.
I took a christmas job to help pay christmas bills and to keep me out of the other stores..i worked sunday, monday, wed 9-6 and tuesday 2-11 and thursday 3-12 or 4-1am
i had friday and saturday off.
right before xmas, i got a call from HRA's personnel department to start as a Trainer at ACS. i had to pick up my package and fill it out and bring in my documents to december 22 at 2pm. I went and i will be starting on december 26th. I dont know if i am working in NYC or Queens or both. the salary is way below what i was making but as many people who i ran into told me... ONCE YOU GET INTO THE CITY SYSTEM you can move around. I qualify for the union and city benefits. I will find out all about those on January 2
i am going back to work this week. I hope to savor the time i was home. THere are many things, i never go to.. cleaning closets, dusting again, pulling apart my bookcases... i never really had time but then again, i had nothing but time.
TB continued
