Friday, June 30, 2006

Thursday, June 29, 2006

a note to a friend

I have been trying to get a note to you for weeks. You would think that for a woman who has nothing but time on her hands, this would be an easy task. First it was the May full moon that made me think of you. Then I was reminded of your anniversary when i met a couple on their wedding day, walking in the park, in their wedding attire. I worried they would get ruined in the drizzle but they were okay with it, so I had to be too. Happy belated anniversary to you and your husband and the couple in the park.

Today I saw a sliver of a moon through the clouds. I realized that I don’t walk at night at more so I haven’t seen much of the moon. I guess I spend more time in the park during the day. If nothing else, I try to walk there and back each day. I haven’t lost weight, I haven’t gained any if anything I am stiffing my butt incase I get kicked there again… Walking also makes me shower and comb my hair every day or I may not get out of my pjs.

I have been home short of three months already. It’s been an interesting month and a quick one. At months end or Memorial Day, I had a completed application to work with NYC in the Training Academy. Friends tell me it can take 3 months for them to process the application. It is like being in limbo, I don’t know if I have a job and I don’t that I don’t. So all I can do is try to follow up and wait. They have everything they need from me- references and my school evaluations and I have done everything that I could possibly do. My prior employer can make it difficult for me, if they really want do but they can do that for any position that I apply for. I don’t trust them actually, I have good reason not to. I also haven’t stop applying for other jobs because I may not get the Training Academy job. I am sure something will come up at some time but it’s a tightrope that I have to walk. I prefer to the training job and keep telling the city staff that interviews me that I prefer to be placed in the Training Academy. So they recommend me and I wait. I guess the wheels turn slowly.

The wait has caused me to actually try to live in the moment. Usually, I am working two or three jobs and I currently have none. It really has given me a chance to slow things down and find my center. It also has skewed my sense of time. Life is interesting when your sense of time is different. I have sense of the work week and weekends mean that I don’t have to wonder if the phone will ring or not. Mostly, the rejection letters come midweek but personally, I don’t have much sense of time. Just one day to another. There is the day I have to move my car across the street and the day I have to go to weight watchers. Those are my two commitments and to the bank or post office. It’s nice to have the time. I haven’t had a break since undergraduate school so I’m enjoying the time. I don’t miss work or the work I did or even the people. I miss a steady income or my prior income but I am fortunate to have more than I need. I did line up a course for next semester. I had to take a Saturday course so I am teaching Advanced Practice with Individuals on Saturday mornings at 9am in Soho… that would something, not working all week but only Saturday at 9am. I just didn’t want it to interfere. I have also had to learn to be patient. For someone who is always on the run or go, slowing down has been a benefit but releasing being impatient has been a unexpected gift.

I guess, I could go on and on with the things I am learning from this different experience. I have learned that I need at least 8 hours of sleep to feel good. And of course my cat has benefited from my being home and all the attention she gets. Its actually such a gift to be free, if only the anxiety that I have about getting a job will decrease so I can enjoy it thoroughly. It really interesting from a more global to find myself here, after all the places that i have been in my career path...i guess my 20s and 30s were building my career and getting to the pinacle. Once i got to the top, i got to stay there for a while. I did hit a point of emptiness with no where else to go or i thought there was no where else to go. So i went sideways to try something new. That sideways took me to another path and its that new path that i am following but i never expected this unexpected and welcomed break in the middle... i guess i will get to work eventually... or have to get back to work, im just not in any position to retire. its more about the income than anything else right now.

The week of downpour was the worst so far. It was that week that I had to order the Springsteen ticket. I needed a party so I had to set one up. I got bored and depressed being wet all the time. It was an okay dance party and I had to plan another for a friend who turned 30. The amazing thing that some of the greatest things have come to me. The world is really an abundant place. People have called with tickets to events and of course NY has its share of free concerts and movies. There is an entire subculture of denizens that take advantage of these events. They fascinate me more than the movies or concert. People watching is an Olympic sport. I ended up with a pair of liberty tickets so I really have no complaints being home. Living with the uncertainty that I may be back to work any day, has caused me to try to enjoy each one of them and with most of my friends working, I have found a new group to hang out with. My park pals, or at least the ones that I can speak to daily, including the three guys who are drunk by the time I get to see them.

I have this idea of teaching parenting groups or doing some consultant work with those upper west side families who need help structuring their kids. If Supernanny is so popular than there is a need. . I probably can make a ton of money, teaching people what is really common sense if you know standard child develop and not to be guilty about saying no to your kids. I don’t have all that working mom guilt to deal with so I can help get these out of control kids back into control. Its really simple family structuring techniques and I have the credentials and skills to do it.

Fourth of July is around the corner and I am heading up to my parents so I can go to New Bedford for the ten dollar folk festival. They actually shut the town down and there is music on each corner. I have been going up there for the last 4 or 5 years.. I haven’t looked at the schedule but know that Ill catch john gorka. I always like to see him. Before, I see you, I will have seen Dar and Paul Simon.. Someone sent me a falcon ridge ticket so I can stop up there for two days before I head to Philly for MCC . Could I ask for a better July? …. Who knows I may be working by then or I may be still home. I know that I will be where I am meant to be….for sure..

Well this is much longer than I ever intended….. I sure hope you are well and your days are filled with just how you want them to be.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

everyone in the pool

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 29, 2006

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 29, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Last week's symbol was a closed fist. The mood was determined, fierce, and intolerant of any funny stuff. But you're leaving the zone in which that stance made sense. Your new metaphor is the open hand. Your chances at succeeding will increase in proportion to your willingness to negotiate for peace, seek connection, and accept input. Receptivity is the Truth and the Way. "Why not?" is your power mantra. To prime yourself for the transition, I suggest that wherever you are right now, you spread your arms wide and unfurl your welcoming palms.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Friday, June 23, 2006

mutts book club 5

springsteen at MSG

etlists: 2006

June 22 / New York, NY / Madison Square Garden
Notes: "This is an immigrant song for New York City," Springsteen said before tonight's new opening number -- no, not a song off Led Zeppelin III, but at the moment we can't tell you exactly what it was, either. On the setlist as "American Land," it had a recurring refrain of "home in the American land," but it wasn't "He Lies in the American Land," despite that song's association with Pete Seeger and the similarity in title. A new Springsteen song? Watch this space for more as we know it.... In any case, it was certainly a world premiere, an Irish reel with a Clancy Brothers/Tommy Makem feel to it; lyrically, a vivid portrait of the immigrant experience in the vein of Ry Cooder's "Across the Borderline." At the end, Bruce had one more dedication for it: "for all you travelers out there." All six tour horn players were featured, with Clark and Curt exiting after the opener and returning to the stage for "Poor Man" forward. Also returning to the fold was Patti Scialfa -- after the just-as-long-absent "If I Should Fall Behind," Bruce told the crowd, "She came out of semi-retirement to be here tonight!" During "Old Dan Tucker" Bruce held a sing-off between New York and New Jersey, but he said that this Madison Square Garden show was really a test for the band, playing for "bloodthirsty New Yorkers." And indeed, the crowd ran hot and cold. But here in the current hometown of the Max Weinberg 7, there was a particularly rabid response for the horns on songs like "Jesse James" and "Oklahoma Home," and "Jacob's Ladder" pulled 'em all in. In the encore, "Bring Them Home" was stripped down to feature Springsteen alone on harmonica and guitar, dedicated to Steve Earle. One really nice touch came at the end of "Pay Me My Money Down," when the person who came out to tell tuba player Art Baron "time to go" was not Bruce as usual, but Art's mother. And judging from his priceless reaction, it came as a very pleasant surprise -- quite a sentimental moment. More family and friends taking in the Garden show: Bruce's mother and aunts, Steven and Maureen Van Zandt, Max Weinberg, Tim Russert (whose wife, Maureen Orth, wrote the Newsweek story in '75), and in the pit, Dave Marsh, Jon Landau, and Bill Flanagan.
Setlist: American Land/John Henry/O Mary Don't You Weep/Johnny 99/Old Dan Tucker/Eyes on the Prize/Jesse James/Atlantic City/Erie Canal/My Oklahoma Home/If I Should Fall Behind/Mrs. McGrath/How Can a Poor Man Stand Such Times and Live?/Jacob's Ladder/We Shall Overcome/Open All Night/Pay Me My Money Down
Encore: Bring Them Home/My City of Ruins/Ramrod/You Can Look (But You Better Not Touch)/When the Saints Go Marching In

Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man

Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man
Directed by Lian Lunson
Lionsgate, opens June 21, Film Forum
About two-thirds into this rather grating hagiography, U2's Bono truncates his spew of superlatives, makes his best cut-the-crap face, and asks if we can "get serious" for a moment. Get serious? This Last Waltz–like doc is almost funereal, full of reverent banalities spliced between overly folksy takes on melancholic Leonard Cohen bombshells. At the film's core is the "Came So Far for Beauty" Cohen tribute concert held last year in Sydney, for which producer Hal Willner organized a lineup of musicians to interpret Cohen's songs.

Always loving but at times soporific, these renditions range from a dull Beth Orton version of "Sisters of Mercy" to an unironically anthemic "Anthem" by Julie Christensen and Perla Batalla. Kate and Anna McGarrigle can usually be counted on for loopy banter, but aside from breezy-bitchy Rufus Wainwright, who also delivers a musical highlight with "Chelsea Hotel

2," the chatty levity is left to the sly and spry old rumbler himself. Oddly, director Lian Lunson sabotages even Cohen's bits with ominous whooshes and psycho-synth tones. Cohen so doesn't need to be edged toward eerie. He projects creepy poet poon-hound Dionysian-Buddhist tricksiness all by himself. These spooky sonics skew Cohen's engaging account of his years spent in seclusion as an ordained Mt. Baldy monk.

Longtime fans won't need the Edge's Moses comparisons to convince them that Cohen is indeed their man. And for newcomers, full performances from Sydney might make a better introduction than Nick Cave saying the usual stuff about Songs of Love and Hate making his teenage self feel cool. Performance-wise, Antony's withering "If It Be Your Will" simply kills, though Willner might have squashed the distracting background vocals. Teddy Thompson proves again that while he carries a pretty tune, he didn't inherit his parents' compelling vocal serration. Martha Wainwright does "The Traitor" justice, even if Rufus still petulantly skirts the key rhyme in his oft performed cover of "Hallelujah." But as you might suspect, with U2 behind him in a tight cabaret, Cohen, his sad eyes dancing and his growl coyly teasing, dusts 'em all with the graveyard smash "Tower of Song."


Dear Reader,

Thank you for coming to this book. It is an honor, and a surprise, to have the frenzied thoughts of my youth expressed in Chinese characters. I sincerely appreciate the efforts of the translator and the publishers in bringing this curious work to your attention. I hope you will find it useful or amusing.

When I was young, my friends and I read and admired the old Chinese poets. Our ideas of love and friendship, of wine and distance, of poetry itself, were much affected by those ancient songs. Much later, during the years when I practiced as a Zen monk under the guidance of my teacher Kyozan Joshu Roshi, the thrilling sermons of Lin Chi (Rinzai) were studied every day. So you can understand, Dear Reader, how privileged I feel to be able to graze, even for a moment, and with such meager credentials, on the outskirts of your tradition.

This is a difficult book, even in English, if it is taken too seriously. May I suggest that you skip over the parts you don't like? Dip into it here and there. Perhaps there will be a passage, or even a page, that resonates with your curiosity. After a while, if you are sufficiently bored or unemployed, you may want to read it from cover to cover. In any case, I thank you for your interest in this odd collection of jazz riffs, pop-art jokes, religious kitsch and muffled prayer æ an interest which indicates, to my thinking, a rather reckless, though very touching, generosity on your part.

Beautiful Losers was written outside, on a table set among the rocks, weeds and daisies, behind my house on Hydra, an island in the Aegean Sea. I lived there many years ago. It was a blazing hot summer. I never covered my head. What you have in your hands is more of a sunstroke than a book.

Dear Reader, please forgive me if I have wasted your time.

Los Angeles, February 27, 2000

Leonard Cohen

Thursday, June 22, 2006

mutts book club 4

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 22, 2006

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 22, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
"What the heart knows today the head will understand tomorrow," wrote Irish storyteller James Stephens. It's lucky for you that this is true, Capricorn--or at least it will be lucky if you're smart enough to trust your heart, which has already figured out a certain truth that your head is still days away from registering. This is not merely a pretty metaphor, by the way. Despite what you may have been led to believe about the nature of the heart, it is actually an organ of intelligence that is capable of deep thought.

VDAY event 2 - i do tricks and drugs but i am not a murderer

ny One Of Us: Words From Prison
June 21 Wednesday 8:00pm (doors at 7:00PM)

Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center, 1941 Broadway, 65th Street and Broadway

More than 90% of women in prison have experienced violence in their own lives. Words From Prison will reveal the connection between women in prison and the violence that often brings them there. Presented in conjunction with the American Civil Liberties Union and the New York Civil Liberties Union, this event will bring forth raw voices of fierceness and honesty written by women from prisons across the nation and performed by great actors, moving forward toward healing, understanding, and change, ultimately impacting laws and treatment of incarcerated women. There has been outreach to women in five major federal prisons for their stories. Images from Deborah Luster’s book One Big Self: Prisoners of Louisiana will provide the visual backdrop for the evening. The evening will benefit ACLU and the NYCLU. Kimberlé Crenshaw, Rosario Dawson, Swoosie Kurtz, Mindy McCready, Rosie O’Donnell, Phylicia Rashad, Kemba Smith, and more will perform. Directed by Rhodessa Jones. Sponsored in part by The New York Women’s Foundation.

i enter the space to see many women who looked like clients or exclients... talked to the ACLU, asked for a series of their DVD on Rights issues to be sent so i can use them in class, took my seat
a young man in ripped jeans sat down... joked about being my blind date...he was there for a woman's study class and didnt want to be there..
we talked about Woman's studies and the event began

eve ensler and Kimberle crenshaw talked about their projects and how this came to be

seats on stage with podiums.. Kemba Smith, received clemecy from Clinton for her time served... she read a story of violence about the night she talked to the police and how her boyfriend beat her til she remembered the story. the night was readings of women about their experiences, pre prision and post prison and violence. Lots of child abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence

kemba Smith, Rosario Dawson, Shirley knight , Rosie O’Donnell, Phylicia Rashad, Betty gale tyson, and angela wilson

Betty Gale Tyson read her story about her poor chooses that lead her to prostitution and drug use but not murder got her 25 years after she was beaten by police and signed a statement of confession.. 25 years later, someone came forward to tell the truth and she was release. A standing ovation was given

Angela Wilson, stripper, dancer who committed murder


i realized quickly that there was an undercurrent of women who experienced the same as the writers...women who were abused, abandoned, raped, lived in fear and lived in jail at one time...
I was not one of them...
i was in another group... the helpers the storycollectors
the caring, the brave to show up

my seat mate belonged to the third group.... Men who were there... Eve Ensler calls them Vagina Warriors..

there were things I couldnt relate to as i have not been abused
there were more things that my seat mate could not relate to because he was a male
i was a woman and understood the oppression

i am finding that being out of work for 2 months has taken down some of the shield i have worn for 25 years to do my work. i feel the stories deeply and wonder if i will still be effective when i have to hear them and listen.
i think the break is good for my soul and spirit...
i view the stories differently
i hear them differently
i think actually will be better at hearing them
a break has worked to make me more humane and human
like a cleansing of the palatte

Macheath spends like a sailor

The Threepenny Opera serves up a deliciously dark satire of “respectable” society, with dashing thieves, saucy prostitutes, and lingering melodies. Based on Elizabeth Hauptmann’s German translation of John Gay’s eighteenth-century The Beggar’s Opera, The Threepenny Opera thrusts the audience into the seedy underworld of Mack the Knife, a dapper criminal and his wry love affair with Polly Peachum.

Alan Cumming (Macheath) returns to Roundabout where he won a Tony, Drama Desk, Outer Critics Circle, Theater World, New York Press, FANY and New York Public Advocate’s Awards as the Emcee in Cabaret and also starred in Noel Coward's Design For Living. In London, he has been seen in Hamlet at the Donmar Warehouse (TMA Best Actor award and Shakespeare Globe nomination), Cabaret (Olivier nomination), La Bete (Olivier nomination), Conquest of the South Pole (Olivier nomination) and seasons with the RSC and RNT, where he won an Olivier Award for his performance in Accidental Death of an Anarchist (which he also co-adapted). Recent films include X2: X-Men United, Spy Kids 3, Nicholas Nickleby, Josie and the Pussycats, Company Man, Titus, Urbania, Eyes Wide Shut, Emma, Circle of Friends, Goldeneye and Buddy.

Jim Dale (Mr. Peachum). To millions of children Jim is the voice of Harry Potter. So far he has recorded all six books in the series. For his audio work, he has won a record six “Audie Awards” In 2004 Queen Elizabeth II awarded Jim the MBE* for his work in promoting children’s literature. *Member of the Order of the British Empire. Jim has been in show business for over fifty years. At the age of seventeen, he became the youngest professional comedian in the British Music Halls. At the request of Laurence Olivier he joined the British National Theatre in 1969. His work as an actor on and off Broadway include, Scapino, Joe Egg (Roundabout), Privates On Parade (Roundabout), Candide, Me and My Girl, Barnum, Travels With My Aunt, The Music Man, Comedians, A Christmas Carol – The Musical and Address Unknown. In the category of Best Actor he has won a Tony Award, four Tony nominations, four Drama Desk Awards, three New York Critics Awards and the Lucille Lortel Award. In 1967 he received an Academy Award nomination for writing the theme song for the film Georgy Girl.

Ana Gasteyer (Mrs. Peachum) is best known for her incomparable work on “Saturday Night Live.” Ana can currently be seen on stage in the leading role as Elphaba in the Chicago production of the critically-acclaimed musical Wicked. Following her run in Eve Ensler's acclaimed Off-Broadway hit The Vagina Monologues, and her Broadway debut as “Columbia” in The Rocky Horror Show, she continued her work on the New York stage starring in Manhattan Theatre Club's hit production of Kimberly Akimbo by celebrated playwright David Lindsay-Abaire, as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl in a sold-out run at the Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera. On stage most recently, she starred in the NYC Opera's production of Cinderella and Off-Broadway opposite Anna Paquin in Roulette by Paul Weitz. On film, Ana has been seen in the recent blockbuster Mean Girls, What Women Want with Mel Gibson, Woman on Top, Dick, and What's The Worst That Could Happen? opposite John Leguizamo and Martin Lawrence.

Cyndi Lauper (Jenny). The vibrant talent of Cyndi Lauper has graced our world for 25 years. Beginning in 1980 Cyndi and her band at the time, Blue Angel released a self-titled album but in 1983 as many artists do, Cyndi decided to depart the group and take on the world as a solo artist. It was in 1984 with the release of her debut album, She's So Unusual that Cyndi scored massive success - 9 million copies sold worldwide - and quite literally became an overnight success. She's So Unusual was the first debut album and the first debut album by a solo artist to garner four top five singles, "Girls Just Want To Have Fun," "All Through The Night," "She Bop," and "Time After Time." She's So Unusual earned Cyndi a Grammy Award for Best New Artist. And this was just the beginning... In addition to proving herself as a Grammy-winning artist, Cyndi Lauper has spent much of the past twenty-five years as a devoted advocate and philanthropist for such organizations as AMFAR, Aids Research, Planned Parenthood, Women's Rights as well as for Gay communities all over the world. She has been twice nominated for the Emmy Award - has won once - and has established herself as one of America's most loved fashion icons.

Nellie McKay (Polly) began recording her critically acclaimed debut album, a double-disc set entitled Get Away From Me in February 2004. Nellie’s stage credits include Lily in George F. Walker’s The End of Civilization, Louison in Moliere's The Imaginary Invalid, and the Cuckoo Clock in Pinocchio. In late 2003, she opened for Cyndi Lauper in a series of concert performances and, 2004, performed around the country and overseas. She opened for Sting in Switzerland, France, Spain and Germany and opened for the Barenaked Ladies and Alanis Morissette on that tour's northeast and west coast dates. Among her 2004 U.S. concert dates, Nellie opened for Lou Reed at Carnegie Hall. Nellie has also participated in benefits for groups ranging from Planned Parenthood to Fair Fund to the ACLU and most recently a benefit for Tibet House at Carnegie Hall. Nellie is currently recording her second studio album - in addition to working on television, theater and film projects and performing live at Lincoln Center as part of the Great American Songbook Series.

The Threepenny Opera cast also features Christopher Innvar (Les Miserables, Victor/Victoria) as Tiger Brown, Carlos Leon (Aunt Dan and Lemon, Does a Tiger Wear a Necktie) as Filtch, and Brian Charles Rooney (The Ballad of Bonnie & Clyde, Pure Heaven: The Music of Kay Thompson) as Lucy.

a new revival of a classic play with drag queens and gender bending...cyndi lauper, alan cummings, jime dale, nellie mckay- the first act is a little slow the second act is BRAVO
orchestra right tickets for 25.00
never seen it...
had to take advantage of a matinee while i can ....
do something you would have love to do while home... matinee...
so i did it

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

mutts book club 3

the weather in chicago



another night of being up most of the night. i couldnt fall asleep and then couldnt stay asleep. i was up a few times and i had this dream

i was in a place close to falcon ridge but with a combination of the bottom line club. Dar was going to be there along with neil young. the place was spacious if not outdoors. something happened that the place was being destoyed or a natural disaster was occurring. i didnt fear for my safety but rather concerned about saving the product. I put these things in my pocket that looked like nests, they belonged to Neil young. i grapped all the things i could to save or preserve and kept them.

i then saw a vase of flowers that were being placed on a bar as people waited in line. They were for Dar. i told the person next to be that i had the neil young things. i saw myself reach into my pocket to secure the valueable. i seemed to understand what i had done but no one else seemed to be as concernd that i had saved the valuables. i kept trying to tell people that i had them.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Monday, June 19, 2006

until the violence stops

i went to a screening of Until the Violence Stops at the museum of radio and television. Eve Ensler introduced the film after she was introduced by Pat Mitchell of CNN.
the film was part of the first VDAY NY film festival. The film festival will then close with a screening of Until the Violence Stops (2003) introduced by Eve Ensler. This Emmy Award-winning documentary follows the grassroots impact of V-Day, an international movement to end violence against women and girls that grew out of Ensler's play, The Vagina Monologues. Directed by Abby Epstein; 2004 V-Day Productions

i found this film more moving than i thought i would. Being away from this work for two months, i found myself touched by the stories. The film shows the monologues being done in Harlem, and then it spotlights the abuse of women in the Philipines, sex workers and the Lila who were captured and comfort workers for Japanese soldiers. They are old women now who want to be recognized by the Japanese government for the rapes that they withstood, sometimes serving 17 soldiers a day.
the domestic violence in the Lakota community in the badlands of SD was the subject of this film and finally, female circumsion as shown through the eyes of Agnes, one african woman who walks from tribe to tribe to educate women to stand up against circumsion. VDAY helped raise money for a Van and a Safe house

Eve Ensler is profiled as is Rosie Perez as victims of violence. there are lots of snippets of the monologues as shown around the country and the world.

the mutts bookclub day 1

cats shed for summer

Sunday, June 18, 2006

the weather in chicago



The Power and Mystery of Naming Things
I believe in the power and mystery of naming things. Language has the capacity to transform our cells, rearrange our learned patterns of behavior and redirect our thinking. I believe in naming what's right in front of us because that is often what is most invisible.

Think about the word vagina. I believe that by saying it 128 times each show, night after night, naming my shame, exorcising my secrets, revealing my longing, was how I came back into my self, into my body. By saying it often enough and loud enough in places where it was not supposed to be said, the saying of it became both political and mystical and gave birth to a worldwide movement to end violence against women. The public utterance of a banished word, which represented a buried, neglected, dishonored part of the body, was a door opening, an energy exploding, a story unraveling.

When I was finally able as an adult to sit with my mother and name the specific sexual and physical violence my father had perpetrated on me as a child, it was an impossible moment. It was the naming, the saying of what had actually happened in her presence that lifted my 20-year depression. By remaining silent, I had muted my experience, denied it, pushed it down. This had flattened my entire life. I believe it was this moment of naming that allowed both my mother and I to eventually face our deepest demons and deceptions and become free.

I think of women naming the atrocities committed against them by the Taliban in Afghanistan, or women telling of the systematic rapes during the Bosnian war, or just recently in Sri Lanka after the tsunami, women lining up in refugee camps to name their nightmares and losses and needs. I have traveled through this world and listened as woman after woman tells of being date raped or acid burned, genitally mutilated, beaten by her boyfriend or molested by her stepfather.

Of course the stories are incredibly painful. But I believe as each woman tells her story for the first time, she breaks the silence, and by doing so breaks her isolation, begins to melt her shame and guilt, making her experience real, lifting her pain.

I believe one person's declaration sparks another and then another. Helen Caldicott naming the consequences of an escalating nuclear arms race, gave rise to an anti-nuclear movement. The brave soldier who came forward and named the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison was responsible for a sweeping investigation.

Naming things, breaking through taboos and denial is the most dangerous, terrifying and crucial work. This has to happen in spite of political climates or coercions, in spite of careers being won or lost, in spite of the fear of being criticized, outcast or disliked. I believe freedom begins with naming things. Humanity is preserved by it.

- Eve Ensler

things overheard in manhattan

1. i was hit by a car and i dont want to get hit again

2. Moses, wasnt he a disciple of Jesus?


Copyright © Susan Werner
Description: Guitar, to the tune of "The Girl From Ipanima"

Tall and blonde and young and Catholic
The boy from East Dubuque goes walking
And when he passes each girl he passes says,

Seen in church on every Sunday
He'll sell all-state insurance one day
Your instincts tell you he is the perfect guy

Always wears hair that's been
Slicked up
Drinks old-style beer till he
Babies his four-wheel drive
He's every Midwestern girl's dream
'Cos he runs a slow-pitch softball team

Drop your yuppie, skip your hippie
Get married on the Mississippi
In East Dubuque
Where all the girls still say
La la la la la
La la la la la

[ad lib to end]

[January 1999]

happy birthday george

tonight was my friend george's bday bash...

i got dressed in a black and white skirt, white camisole and black cardigan sweater with lace work and little black shoes. Pearls were in order and i was early so i took the train to 42 and walked up to 68th...

stopping at st patricks cathedral to get susan werner the act of contrition card as protection. act of contrition actually i was looking for a catholic souvenir when i couldnt find a saint card...and found one as suitable..
susan is searching her gospel religious roots right now and i figured after her new song.. Probably NOT she needed some godly protection just in case...

well i got the party and george met me outside... he had the city reserve the street for parking and had parking passes for everyone... i took the train.. so i didnt need one..
i went upstairs to the terrace or roof where the party was and was greeted by his wife.. appetizers of sushi, pig in blanket, spring rolls and skewed shrimp...
open beer and wine bar... i drank pelligrino then switched to diet pepsi over dinner..

the sunset was magnificent and the night sky with stars and breeze was heavenly.

susan werner was the entertainment... i sat with jane and susan for a while before susan played...she played... lets regret this in advance, dont work with your friends. chicago, tall drink of water- movie of my life
george asked her to play Blue guitar, barb wire boys.. which she preceeded with Boy from East dubuque.. a hysterical susan werner parody to the tune of girl from Ipenema
george had her play Forever Young. which she really didnt know.. susan sang happy birthday twice to george...

dinner was served buffet but jane and susan and i hung around upstairs.. after i ate i found jane who was drinking beer by this point and the cookies were calling her so she and i went up stairs to the roof so she could smoke..

jane and i have talked at length about personal stuff in the last two days and i really like her and like spending time with her.. susan joined us and we were goofing around looking at the manhattan skyline
susan werner is one of the smartest, knowledgable people i know... she can recall these obscure facts and her observance are keen.. i have learned more about her and jane and each separately...

we all left together in the same cab.... or rather they gave me a ride downtown to their hotel... i left them at the marriott and i walked to grand central to the train

george had a great party and i got to know susan and jane better.. got a special SW show

great night...

Saturday, June 17, 2006

the weather in chicago



i had to get up early to go to Queens so i figured id get to Weight Watchers... another pain, another gain...
i stayed at the meeting and then went to get coffee and headed to my Hairdresser appointment. Marianne who is a WW friend and recommended the hairdresser was there was well so it was a LOVE FEST... what a great way to spend time in this little neighborhood hairdresser where SANDRA the owner and MY hairdresser knows everyone and runs this family business.....

i got roots colored and a cut and Marianne talked me into a Gloss treatment... It cost 25 dollars but Sandra charged me 15 but i made it up in her we split the difference.

i got out of there about 230 and headed to Bayshore Long ISland... i drove around, returned my recycling of bottles and got gas... There were 17 7 elevens and i missed each one... craving a Diet pepsi slurpee...

i went to Target and then had to go to the Mall..

thurday night, going to carnegie hall my black leather sandels broke in three places so i needed replacement shows to wear to a private party on saturday so Macys..
i found the perfect little casual pair that was a sample or floor sample in my size and for 29.99 so i bought em... i need em and decided that they were there for me

i didnt have time to get to the SHORE or BAY in BAYSHORE so i went to the theater and parked...
there was a cute bistro next door and i was famished so i had grilled Ahi Tuna with mango and ginger and some sort of soy basalmic dressing over greens with asian slaw..
it was a killer salad..
while i was eating ALONE... i saw jane come in and she chatted..she was geting coffee for SW and then SW came in after her and invited me to her private green room, her rented car...
i finished up and went to the theater seeing jane and susan werent in the car and i got my ticket and saw jane who let me in and i merched for Vance so we chatted for about an hour or was nice Just to sit and talk to Jane

the set was Vance 20 minutes
guy davis 20 minutes
susan 20 minutes

then a round robin...

you have ever seen susan werner and vance gilbert on the same stage... you know what a treat last night was...

there were 50 people in the theater and we were hysterical..

this conservative audience bought more merch from each artist then i have seen in a long time...

vance and susan sold well last night

susan sang
Movie of my life
strange nation
i cant be new
tall drink of water

then in her round robin

a new religious song about doubt the presence of GAWD called Probably not
(vance jumped in as the voice of GAWD)
susan played her newest song... a GAWD questioning song
vance and susan did MAY I SUGGEST- trading verses
susan ended with Dream a little dream of me
susan and vance channelled billie holiday and louis armstrong....guy davis's head was reeling from what he was experiencing

susan got slide guitar lessons from guy and held her own, ofcourse

what a great night of music... any susan werner night is a great night..

i went to bed about 2am....and 1am the night before...

i love nights where i am satiated with music... feeling full...

this week.. Linda ronstadt, Dr ralph stanley, tres chica, Rufus, booksigning and susan, vance and guy...

i am invited to a party tonight where susan is playing and tomorrow... i won tickets and the Museum of Radio and television for an eve ensler, Vday screening

maybe being out of work agrees with me...

wait til next week.....

Springsteen, Dar, three penny opera, VDAY reading at Avery Fisher hall...

the weather in chicago


Friday, June 16, 2006

a praire home companion

Mickeys diner and the Fitzgerald theater... been there, ate there
parked near there.... went there to see Dar, Catie Curtis and Patty Larkin
me and suzi in Minneapolis, St Paul.... suzi slept....
we stayed with patty outside Mall of America

Director Robert Altman and writer Garrison Keillor join forces with an all-star cast to create a comic backstage fable, A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION, about a fictitious radio variety show that has managed to survive in the age of television. Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin star as the Johnson Sisters, Yolanda and Rhonda, a country duet act that has survived the county-fair circuit, and Lindsay Lohan plays Meryl’s daughter, Lola, who gets her big chance to sing on the show and then forgets the words. Kevin Kline is Guy Noir, a private eye down on his luck who works as a backstage doorkeeper, and Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly are Dusty and Lefty, the Old Trailhands, a singing cowboy act. Add Virginia Madsen as an angel and Tommy Lee Jones as the Axeman and Maya Rudolph as a pregnant stagehand and Keillor in the role of hangdog emcee, and you have a playful story set on a rainy Saturday night in St. Paul, Minnesota, where fans file into the Fitzgerald Theater to see “A Prairie Home Companion,” a staple of radio station WLT, not knowing that WLT has been sold to a Texas conglomerate and that tonight’s show will be the last.

Shot entirely in the Fitzgerald, except for the opening and closing scenes which take place in a nearby diner, the picture combines Altman's cinematic style and intelligence and love of improvisation and Keillor's songs and storytelling to create a fictional counterpart to the "A Prairie Home Companion" radio show. The film uses the musicians and crew and stage setting of the actual radio show, heard on public radio stations coast to coast for the past quarter-century (and which, in real life, continues to broadcast). The result is a compact tale with a series of extraordinary acting turns, especially Kevin Kline’s elegant Keaton-esque detective and Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep’s singing (“Goodbye to My Mama”) and their beautiful portrayal of two sisters who talk simultaneously. And Virginia Madsen’s serene angel. And Lindsay Lohan’s version of “Frankie and Johnny.”

Picturehouse presents A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION. Starring Marylouise Burke, Woody Harrelson, L.Q. Jones, Tommy Lee Jones, Garrison Keillor, Kevin Kline, Lindsay Lohan, Virginia Madsen, John C. Reilly, Maya Rudolph, Meryl Streep, and Lily Tomlin. Produced and directed by Robert Altman. Screenplay by Garrison Keillor. Story by Garrison Keillor and Ken LaZebnik. Producers David Levy, Tony Judge, Joshua Astrachan, Wren Arthur and Robert Altman. Executive producers William Pohlad, John Penotti, Fisher Stevens, and George Sheanshang. Director of photography Ed Lachman, ASC. Editor Jacob Craycroft. Production designer Dina Goldman. Costumes Catherine Marie Thomas. Casting Pam Dixon Mickelson.


the movie couldnt decide what it wanted to be.... did it
i wished it was better...
i want to know how much ad lib altman let them do...
Streep and Tomlin were precious
Lohan was not depressed enough
where is a young christina ricci when you need one
where are all the depressed young actresses who can sing
wished it was better


what brought you here, i asked
Rufus and Judy ofcourse he said
I was here in 1961 he said
what do you remember the most i asked
from the upper balcony someone yelled "we love you"
she yelled " i love you tooo"
i called my parents and told them
they MUST see this show, i would buy the whole family tickets

how many times did you get to see her sing
embarrassingly he said 35 or so
she was the entertainer
no al jolson he said
you have been very fortunate i said

during the show i checked in with ralph
" the man that got away" he said

after the show, he told me that it was more than he expected
rufus did her proud
he was thrilled and enthralled
and he said in the balcony again to watch a giant sing those songs
he loved so well

the younguns didnt know that judy garland sang in carnegie hall
she is not their Icon
Madonna, celine and cher
not judy any more
there was one judy in drag, just one in carnegie last night
in 1969 there would have been many
Just one, a throw back to when
hope rufus opened them to a history that has to be remembered

thanks ralph for being there and remembering for me

Overture : The Trolley Song / Over The Rainbow / The Man That Got Away
2. When You're Smiling (The Whole World Smiles With You)
3. Almost Like Being In Love / This Can't Be Love (Medley)
4. Do It Again
5. You Go To My Head
6. Alone Together
7. Who Cares? (As Long As You Care For Me)
8. Puttin' On The Ritz
9. How Long Has This Been Going On
10. Just You, Just Me
11. The Man That Got Away
12. San Francisco
13. I Can't Give You Anything But Love
That's Entertainment
2. I Can't Give You Anything But Love
3. Come Rain Or Come Shine
4. You're Nearer
5. A Foggy Day Listen
7. Zing! Went The Strings Of My Heart
8. Stormy Weather
9. You Made Me Love You / For Me And My Gal / The Trolley Song (Medley)
10. Rock-A-Bye Your Baby With A Dixie Melody
11. Over The Rainbow
12. Swanee
13. After You've Gone
14. Chicago

he made me love him. i didnt want to do it... i didnt want to do it... he made me love him, i do yes i do....

Music Review
Rufus Wainwright Pays Tribute to Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall

Published: June 16, 2006

Rufus Wainwright, the 32-year-old singer-songwriter and opera maven, last night at Carnegie Hall re-creating song by song Judy Garland's 1961 concert, which became the most beloved of all pre-rock concert albums.

They came to commune with a legend and to pay their respects to the singer channeling her. "They" would be the heavily gay, mostly male, mostly over-30 audience that sold out Carnegie Hall on Wednesday and Thursday evenings; the legend would be Judy Garland; and the gawky, flouncing pop shaman conjuring her would be Rufus Wainwright, the 32-year-old singer-songwriter and opera maven descended from folk-music royalty.

It doesn't matter that Mr. Wainwright sounds nothing like Garland or that his voice, an astringent drone with a quavering edge, uncertain intonation and slightly garbled diction, isn't half as good an instrument as Garland's. The spirit was there. At the very least, his loving song-by-song re-creation of Garland's brilliant concert of April 23, 1961, which became "Judy at Carnegie Hall," the most beloved of all prerock concert albums, was a fabulous stunt. Not even Madonna, pop music's ultimate provocateur, has attempted anything so ambitious.

What unfolded onstage Wednesday was a tour de force of politically empowering performance art in which a proudly gay male performer paid homage to the original and most durable gay icon in the crowded pantheon of pop divas. Accompanying him was a 36-piece orchestra conducted by Stephen Oremus playing the original 1961 arrangements, transposed several notes lower to suit Mr. Wainwright's voice.

The concert was a two-family affair, with Garland's clan represented by her daughter Lorna Luft, who arrived onstage late in the two-and-a-half-hour marathon to put her seal of approval on the project by joining Mr. Wainwright in a duet of "After You've Gone." (Garland's other daughter, Liza Minnelli, was conspicuously absent.)

Besides Rufus, the Wainwrights were represented by his sister, Martha, who brought down the house with a whooping and swooping "Stormy Weather"; and by his mother, Kate McGarrigle, who accompanied him on piano on "Over the Rainbow" and an encore of "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" that is not on the Garland album.

Because Garland's stamina onstage was legendary, Mr. Wainwright's biggest challenge was to build and sustain the kind of electrical connection between performer and audience that, in Garland's case, approached a vampirish emotional symbiosis. In contrast to the go-for-broke emotional immediacy Garland churned up like a great actress, Mr. Wainwright is an arch bohemian dandy who is far too self-conscious to give himself heart and soul to standards he obviously admires, but finds technically daunting, and in many cases doesn't know that well.

But there are also deep similarities. Like Garland, Mr. Wainwright is a natural clown and showman who deftly turned his many little flubs into endearing comic bits of business. Like Garland, he is a witty storyteller with a keen sense of the absurd who is not afraid to make fun of himself. In one of many amusing anecdotes on Wednesday, he remembered his childhood identification with "The Wizard of Oz." On good days, he said, he imagined he was Dorothy, and on bad ones the Wicked Witch of the West.

Scattered through a concert, some of whose two-dozen-plus songs he hadn't fully memorized, were some memorable performances. Mr. Wainwright rode the famous bongo-propelled arrangement of "Come Rain or Come Shine" to glory. His tender, reflective "Over the Rainbow" evoked the vocal sound of Harry Nilsson's nearly forgotten 1973 album, "A Little Touch of Schmilsson in the Night," one of the first records in which a rock singer broke ranks to gaze wistfully into the past. An eerie falsetto version of "Do It Again," in Garland's key, almost worked, except for some tonal slips. "The Trolley Song" elicited cheers. He also talked about the album that inspired the concert, citing "If Love Were All" as his favorite song in the set.

For those who came to worship, Mr. Wainwright could do no wrong. If there were no boos, an audience clearly primed to go crazy never exploded into cathartic pandemonium. Still, Mr. Wainwright's courage to stand as a surrogate for every Garland fan who ever gazed into the mirror and fantasized about stepping into her ruby slippers spoke for itself. Simply for doing it, he was a hero.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

the weather in chicago


mooch mooches lunch

shnail mail


sleeping with the air conditioner doesnt mean that you dont have hot flashes. I had two distinctive dreams that upset me and caused me to stay up for an hour or so.. the first dream had to do with my cat...she was visible and tried to get outside. As an indoor cat with out back claws that is a no no... I tried to get her in the window and saw two more cats jumped in. One looked like i her and in the dream, i had to keep my eye on MY cat not to confuse them. IN the dream, i was thinking how i could distinguish them apart. BY personality, by the back claws missing... I woke up in a sweat worried about my cat and having to determine her from these other cats. Or one other cat, the third was a tabby and that was a no brainer..

my second dream, had me sitting on Nina Potter's right in her monthly department meeting. It was odd for me, because i used to run the monthly meeting but she is the director now and i was back at CMS in a different role. in the dream, i realized i was there working and had to figure out my role. I asked NINA how she wanted me to interact and she wanted me to be a consultant to her and advise her. I then was walking along a path and saw carol Trzinski ( a SJ foster care director who became a supervisor in a nursing home).

carol told me that CMS intended to rehire me after thanksgiving and i thought that it was not a fine way to punish someone . I picked up a hand lawn mower and started to clean up the grounds. I was mowing the lawn and thinking that I was rehired??? i wanted to know the terms of the contract and the amount of money that i was earning.
I thought in the dream, that any income is better than unemployment. I saw Juanita the personnel or HR person and Mark in the distance. I wanted to ask my income.
i woke up in another sweat....

ralph stanley

i had to cancel my date with the florida gays so i could go downtown to get into the STYVESANT auditorium to see Tres Chica and Dr Ralph Stanley... due to the threat of rain they moved the concert indoors...
i got there early and talked to the FUV staff and got more magnets and lip baum. the people started to line up at 530 for doors at 6pm. before 6pm they started to hand out tickets for the show...

i ended up with front row seats though there was a barricade between the stage and seatings...

Tres Chica are , CAITLIN CARY, LYNN BLAKEY, TONYA LAMM all who belong to other bands from chapel hill NC. they are harmony whores though i could have done with out their backing band and let the girls ring out their harmonies.

Dr Ralph starts in OLD TIMEY style with his band playing.. a fiddle, two lead guitars , banjo and mandolin and upright bass. His son, Ralph2 plays lead guitar and 13 YO grandson plays mandolin. Dr Ralph is a travelling walmart and he sold a sh*t load of merch last night. there are select items that are only available at ralph shows. He
did a bunch of traditional tunes and a bunch of instrumentals.
Ralph or Dr Ralph would introduce the artist to do their thing with another band memeber or solo... he orchestraed the entire show and the EMCEE..

the crowd loved him and after three standing ovations we were treated to his son doing some traditional song like Rollin in my sweet babys arms etc
some of the songs were Long Black Veil, Oh Death with Dr ralph accapella like in O brother...sitting on the top of the world, distant land ( carter family tune)

i walked back to the train and came home


happy 30th birthday chris chin !!!!
welcome to the best years of your life!!!

it aint so scary
jump right in

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

the weather in chicago


the weather in chicago


sleeping in the heat

without my vitamins on a regular basis or because of stress or because its getting hot, my hot flashes that keep me up at night have returned. I am up every two hours or so.
as i was falling asleep, i started to dream about this tank top with writing on it. I woke knowing that i have had this in a dream before. the same rock and roll teeshirt. I knew it was strange that i was dreaming about it again...

i dreamed that Ann Beattie was checking my references. in my dream, i saw Dorothy Worrell, a dear friend and Associate Exec of a major child care agency. i was face to face with dorothy and she told me she got a call about me. I then saw Ronni Fuchs another ST JOES colleague and she told me she also got a call about me... i thought in the dream that maybe i tapped into a larger force of energy and dreamed that my references were being checked.

in reality, i still have not heard anything about the trainer job even though i called to follow up

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 15, 2006

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 15, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
In his biography Tallulah!: The Life and Times of a Leading Lady, Joel Lobenthal describes actress Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968) as a reckless hedonist given to exhibitionism and affairs with hundreds of lovers. He also hints that there was a karmic payback for her excesses. It came in the form of a lengthy hysterectomy that was a last-ditch attempt to save her from the ravages of an advanced case of gonorrhea, reducing her frame to a mere seventy pounds. Bankhead didn't see it as karmic payback, however. Afterwards she told her doctor, "Don't think this has taught me a lesson!" Your own imminent comeuppance won't be even a tiny fraction of what Bankhead's was, Capricorn. But I hope that after it has been offered, you will thankfully say, "This has taught me a valuable lesson!"

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

the weather in chicago


book signing

i took advantage of one of the many book signings that happen in the NYC bookstores. Since ive been home, i have tried to get to one that i have wanted to attend. I was no really interested in the speaker but went to get a friend a signed birthday present..
the so called author was kind and signed one his signature pieces for me too. the audience was jubulient and i gave up a free screening of a movie that I want to see Lot
to attend this book signing.. i hope my friend appreciates the effort and that i skipped a free screening of a hella popular movie....
i thought maybe the author would take pity and give me one of the many passes he had but he didnt
i did get a poster though

the gormet cat

shtinkys to do list


i dreamed i was in a camp setting. There was a gala being set up and i knew that Belinda was setting up the event .There were gift bags being made up and tables covered with tablecloths. It was makeshift but it was being set up as a fundraiser.
I was sent to make copies. I knew i didnt have the code, i was given the code Franklin Delano Roosevelt. I couldnt find the place to put that code on the machine. The papers had scraps or papercuttings and full pages. I felt that i was being judged on my ability to photocopy. If i asked for help, it would show i was not competent if i didnt it would be proved that i was capable. i was shown a place where the code could be placed and the started to make copies. The person who was judging me was a combination of Ronni Fuchs, Stacey Siff and Kathy Griffin. (there are similarities in all three)
i made the copies but not all the pages came out. i knew we had to hand feed the scraps of paper so copies can made.
the task became more complicated than it needed to be and could be. it had to be done in multiple steps and each one needed care and attention.
i knew what to do and was set to get it done.

the weather in chicago


Sunday, June 11, 2006


its still a weekend when you are unemployed... the weekends mean i dont have to worry about interview calls or rejections on friday night saturday or sunday. i dont have to live in the work week but everyone else does so my stress does too..

friday, i walked to the park and back and then went to fairway and headed out to westbury music fair to use the Linda Ronstadt ticket that i had paid for. I got there in more than enough time so i went to explore Westbury and i found Kohls and went there to use the faciliites and then found a drive in A&W. Valjean619 will tell you HOW much i love diet rootbeer so i scored on.
I went on to the theater. Linda had this upper west side jewish comedienne who was self effacing and told some bad jokes about being overweight.. she even stole some Bette MIdler jokes...
finally intermission and LR.

Linda hit the stage with a bass player, trumpeter, sax player, Pianist, Guitarist, and drummer

the set list: because i got one on my way out

whats new
bewitched bothered and bewildered
someone to watch over me
straighten up and fly right
guess ill hang my tears out to dry
get out of town
(complete with anti bush values rap and the audience yelling "shut up and sing" and "remember you are "living in the USA" ) she called them westbury CT
little girl blue
Lush life
too soon to know
Just one look
oooh baby baby
feels like home
somewhere out there
poor poor pitiful me

then the lights and sound went out.... the emergency lights went on and we were informed that there was a horrific storm happening and the music fair blew the lights and sound. it was quickly restored

Quiereme Mucho
blue bayou

i left westbury amidst a downpour and stomped out to my car and got drenched. My shoes were wet and i was wet up to my knees. I couldnt see where i was driving til i hit queens where there was NO rain and it was a smooth ride home

Saturday, i had to go to prospect park to volunteer orientation for Celebrate Brooklyn meaning you have to put chair up. I almost blew it off but decided the guilt would ahve gotten to me... so i walked up and went and then after the session saw that there was a street fair on PPW for Brooklyn Pride. so i walked it... lots of condoms and female condoms. the politicans wanted their petitions signed. I supported Gay Marriage in NY and stopped to talk to the NETS Mascot who gave me a Brooklyn Basketball hat... i got lots of free pins and chochkese...and walked home... i think that i was almost struck by a pigeon in the back of the head but couldnt find the remains...i just thought that damn bird shit on my head so i had to shower and wash my hair and condition it again.

i did my wash, steamed veggies and cut a cantaloupe and went to manhattan to union Square

today, i went to meet Joni mitchell list guy Jerry and his friend Frank who are on a NYC theater burn... 25 shows and Rufus wainwright in 10 days. it seems they do this every June for pride. i only emailed with Jerry so we agreed to meet up at their hotel and then go to a street fair on 3rd ave... they are not walkers like me and we took the train down to 14th and walked up to 23rd ... we walked to 34th and back down and then took the train to 42nd... we stopped for coffee and i walked back to Madison Sq park to try to see Bettye Levett. the weather was perfect and i got to the park to see shawn pelton and brian mitchell from shawn colvin's band on stage... i walked through the park and got more free chockese, a baseball hat and free Texas Pete samples... i walked through all this beer and sticky ground... the beer garden was filled with people who clearly had too many. there were more drinking than eating BBQ.. i skipped the pit because i dont eat meat...
i waited til 430 to see BL and she wasnt on yet.. knowing i had to get to union Sq and hten had to go home and to the grocery store i left before BL played
this is the 4th time i missed BL sing... maybe one more shot this summer for free..

im home with the newspapers after a busy weekend..... of NO RAIN-oh yeah except the monsoon on friday night

the rain last week was a drag....

this week will be museum mile night, or seeing Will shortz talk about his book and wordplay. i could see word play for free if i want to wait hours and give up WS lecture.. ralph stanley and tres chica on the river.... i am meeting Jerry and frank for Prarie HOme companion and dinner and rufus wainwright at carnegie hall and oh yeah... i have to get to weight watchers and adelphi to get some book this week....

maybe ill hear about a job this week


a friend gave me ticket to this play being performed at a small loft space on broadway. i thought it was being played near union square and realized at 700 that i had to go way down broadway south of canal street. I climbed the 5 flights of stairs to sit in a loft with 40 other people and see this interesting and intriging piece of theater...

The complete review's Review:

Marat/Sade -- or The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the Direction of Monsieur de Sade, as it is actually titled -- is, of course, one of the more famous plays of recent times. This brilliant play, in which the Marquis de Sade stages scenes from the French Revolution in an insane asylum, is a theatrical marvel.
The play is set in the asylum of Charenton, where the Marquis de Sade is held incarcerated (as, in fact, he was from 1801 to his death in 1814). A play is being presented within the play: the Marquis -- here plain Monsieur de Sade -- has gotten a group of inmates together to "show how Jean-Paul Marat died", a drama showing the last hours of the revolutionary. It is July 13, 1808 (the eve of Bastille Day), and fifteen years have passed since Marat was killed in his bathtub by Charlotte Corday. In their play de Sade and his inmate-players portray the revolutionary times and recreate the infamous murder.
The director of the asylum, Coulmier, brings his family to watch this little entertainment -- one that, unsurprisingly, turns out to be more political than the good director would have hoped, and where matters eventually get quite out of hand as the revolutionary fervor infects the patients. De Sade makes quite a spectacle out of the revolutionary events -- to Coulmier's chagrin -- but offers also philosophical and political musings, engaging the play-Marat in debate and argument. Coulmier continues to insist that times have changed, that things are done differently now; de Sade shows that it is not necessarily so.
A profound meditation on the nature of revolution, on power and its abuses, means and ends, Marat/Sade is also great theater. Weiss has written a marvelous drama here, both entertaining and thoughtful. It is, undoubtedly, one of the great works of the 1960s.


i had a dream that i was explaining to my old boss Frank about my current job situation. i reviewed the entire unfolding and history of my not working at CMS anymore. In the dream we were like at a college dorm, there were lots of doors and stalls like for showers, there were bathrooms and other people who were faceless. I spoke to frank about the situation and 1/2 way through the story, i realized that maybe be could be a reference for me. I asked him the dream if i could give his name as a reference and he said yes he would be able to give a reference for me. something in dream felt like a relief.
the dream was vivid and clear and i remembered it as it unfolded. i remember the words and feelings and my thoughts in the dream

the weather in chicago


Friday, June 09, 2006

Thursday, June 08, 2006


i have been up every few hours these last few nights mostly with hot flashes and thirsty. I have not taken the tylenol because i sleep too long. The dreams i have had are a scattered mess. i have dreamed losing my knacksack and then being relieved when i find it. I have had dreams about barley and seeing barley written on a document. I dreamed about being interviewed by an african american woman. in the dreams, there are always anxieties and then it all turns out in the end. whatever i thought was going wrong actually turns out okay. that has been the theme of the dreams.

the weather in chicago


Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 8, 2006

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 8, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
This would not be a good week to cast a curse on God in revenge for what you think are his mistakes. Nor would it be a favorable time to draw blasphemous cartoons of saints, or pretend that atheism is any less of a faith-based belief system than religion. In fact, if I were you, Capricorn, I would utter a few prayers, purify your motives, and do some really good deeds--just in case there's even a slim possibility that divine help is abundantly available to you right now. (P.S. From what I can tell, there's more than a slim possibility.)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

the weather in chicago


heart of the game

after a lackluster day, i am starting to feel worn out by the fact that i dont have a job. ofcourse, i enjoy having time off but i am starting to be concerned about the long term effects of not working. Its been two months since i worked and even though i have had interviewed and prospects, i am still out of work. I had to refuse a call from New York foundling because i cannot return to foster care as a manager. Its not where i want to be. they called me to come in and didnt identify the job they wanted to see me for. i asked and wouldnt do that to myself again.
i walked and came home and decided that i was gonna go to 34th street and try to get into a movie that i have a voucher to see for free.
the Voice and TIme out NY offer these free movies. the same people show up. one person gets in line and saves space for many. Kinda like Us at folk shows. The front of the line swells and the prospects of getting in become more limited. I was about the 20th person in line so i knew i could get in. I got in and there were these two women who would not move to let a couple sit together. they had one empty seat on each side. they were just nasty.
there was a raffle or prize drawing before the movie and the person next to me won two tickets to the liberty game. She asked me if i got the 10 dollar voucher for an arcade that was promised in the Ad. I told her she could have mine. she offered me her liberty tickets so i gave her the chocolate bar they handed out. so for the voucher and candy bar that i wasnt gonna use, i got a voucher for two tickets to the liberty game for a week night. they are nosebleeders but FREE....

the movie was a documentary that i didnt get to see during the TFF so i really enjoyed it and was gald that i made the effort. it changed my spirits and i came home to watch who won the the paper and went to bed

A chronicle following the Roosevelt Roughriders girls' basketball team for six tumultuous seasons, capturing the passion and energy of a high school girls' basketball team. Coach Bill Resler is a tax professor at the University of Washington (with three daughters) when he applies for the job as girls' basketball coach at Roosevelt High. Although his coaching experience is minimal, he has a philosophy that disciplined training and healthy aggression will play a key role in turning an average team into champions. Using metaphors and themes to inspire the girls each year, Coach Roesler encourages them to think and act like a "pride of lions," a "tropical storm" and a "pack of wolves"--all to communicate the mindset required of a championship team. He invents an "inner circle" that is free of parents and authority figures in which the girls can work through problems on their own. And at the start of every season, he makes them run and run and run training them to outlast the competition. But when Darnellia Russell, a young African-American from a neighborhood across town, walks on the mostly-white Roosevelt court both Russell and Relser will be changed forever. A phenomenal talent with WNBA potential, she develops into one of the very best players in the state. In her junior year, Darnellia is faced with a challenge that could put both her basketball and academic future in jeopardy. Both her teammates and her coach must decide whether to support her desire to continue playing, even after she's ruled ineligible by the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association, the state's governing sports organization.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Sunday, June 04, 2006

the weather in chicago


mooch oonducts the orchestra

from sally as promised

Leave your name in the comments and:

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your LJ

Saturday, June 03, 2006


i was walking from the grocery store in the rain this afternoon, when a small boy of about 7 and 6 girls all stopped me and explained that it was a holiday and their air conditioner was sparking and asked if i could shut it off for him. This young boy was orthodox jew by his dress and kippah. i went up three flights of stairs to see two women and two man around a dining room table. The man gestured me to pull the plug. I wanted to ask if if his g-d would allow his children and family and belongings to burn so he could continue to observe not working on sabbath or did his g-d want him to stop a non observant jew to ask to do "his" work but allow the stranger to do a good deed which has a higher jew rating...His g-d is a strange god who would allow his family harm due to a fire rather than pulling a plug where my god asked me to do a good deed or mitzvah on a rainy saturday afternoon....

aint it a crazy thing...

Mister Softee Co-Founder Dies in New Jersey

Mister Softee Co-Founder Dies in New Jersey

OCEAN CITY, N.J. (1010 WINS) -- James F. Conway Sr., an entrepreneur whose Mister Softee ice cream trucks brought frozen treats to millions of customers over the company's 50-year history, has died. He was 78.

Conway's son, Jim Conway Jr., who is a vice president at the Runnemede-based company, said his father died of cancer Sunday at his Ocean City home.

The elder Conway and his brother William, who both worked at the Sweden Freezer company in Philadelphia, began experimenting with the idea of delivering ice cream by truck in 1955 under the company name Dairy Van.

In 1956, Mister Softee was launched when the two brothers drove their first truck through Philadelphia, giving away green ice cream as a nod to their Irish heritage, said Jim Conway Jr.

The ice cream venture, which moved to New Jersey in 1959, eventually expanded to become a multimillion-dollar business with more than 600 trucks in 15 states.

James Conway Sr. served as vice president of privately held Mister Softee Inc. until he retired in 1998, and his brother, William Conway, who died in 2004, was president. The company is now run by the men's sons.

Jim Conway Jr. said his father's favorite Mister Softee flavor was vanilla, although he also loved Breyer's butter pecan.

``You never saw anyone eat ice cream like this man,'' said the younger Conway.

Mister Softee is famous for the distinctive jingle that plays over and over from the trucks as they cruise through neighborhoods.

In 2004, New York City noise officials wanted to silence the trucks' music, but the city backed down after a public outcry ensued. Now all ice cream vendors can play music, but only when the vehicles are moving.

James Conway Sr. was born in Philadelphia and earned a degree in business from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. He was a U.S. Navy veteran of the Korean War.

Besides his son, Conway is survived by his wife, Grace Roseman Conway, two daughters and nine grandchildren. A memorial service is scheduled for Friday in Haddonfield.

T Bone redux and reviewed

Music Review
At Town Hall, T Bone Burnett Explores the Raw and the Slick

Published: June 3, 2006

T Bone Burnett's new album, "The True False Identity" (Sony), appears to be the kind of record that clears the decks: it's a midlife poetic exorcism of his feelings about cultural amnesia, religious extremism and love in a time of evil.
Skip to next paragraph
Nan Melville for The New York Times

It is not a clean catharsis. Mr. Burnett, as a certain type of middle-aged NPR listener may know, is a Los Angeles-based, auteurish record producer fascinated by Americana, someone who has for a long time been working the duality of raw and slick. The new record is not a howl from the subconscious, despite apocalyptic lyrics, unruly guitar sounds, drums like a thumb in your eye. It is an incredibly stylized, oppressively hip piece of work. The same could be said of his show at Town Hall, where he played on Thursday backed by a four-man core from the band heard on the album.

Encased in a sharp suit tailored short at the wrists, which accentuated his big body, boyish face and Fauntleroy haircut, Mr. Burnett sang rather pretentious lyrics in a weak voice and played minimally on beautiful electric guitars. The songs, most of them from the new album, were simple, repetitive structures, a mixture of New Orleans rhythm and Link Wray's "Rumble" and slow 1950's electric blues.

They were often vamps based in a single chord, much like background music for an independent movie about, say, a sexy, sweltering place in the American South where chrome rims glint in the noonday sun and bad things are transpiring near the tattoo parlor. They were powered by what have become two musicians' signature sounds: the drummer Jim Keltner's clomping, sensuous midtempo grooves, and Marc Ribot's loud, staccato guitar gestures with shards of dissonance.

The band had nothing to do with the show's problems. Mr. Ribot tirelessly mutated his sound with effects boxes, and put a violent energy into the more aggressive songs. He went beyond clankiness, too, playing nylon-string guitar with classical technique during "Hollywood Mecca of the Movies," an excruciating poem about identity theft and the manufacture of false personalities, read from a notebook by Mr. Burnett.

Mr. Keltner was just as unusual: incredibly precise within his loose rhythm, he kept a shaker in one of his stick-gripping hands at all times, got a big, plump tone from his kick drum, and never bothered to mark time on a high-hat. (There was some echo on the drum microphones, and Mr. Keltner's spacious sound let his beats ring out; there was the illusion of another drummer somewhere.)

Dennis Crouch played long, resonant notes on stand-up acoustic bass, and Keefus Ciancia massaged and hammered sounds out of his old keyboards; at points, his and Mr. Ribot's heavy manipulations merged and sounded alike. The music was beautifully mixed, too; Town Hall has rarely sounded so good.

But the post-beatnik ponderousness of the project made it hard to endure. At all times, Mr. Burnett played the poor soul who must face the contemporary problem of existence and bear witness with vintage analog equipment. It's hard to imagine someone in his audience who hasn't already arrived at similar conclusions about the world, and at times the show felt like preaching to the choir in a boutique.

animal idol

the weather in chicago


Friday, June 02, 2006

the weather in chicago


celebrity sightings

Yesterday i went up to lincoln center to get a ticket to a VDAY event of readings from women in prison by celebrities. I got there after some initial confusion to what hall.. ALice Tully or Avery Fisher and i had to schelp over to Alice Tully. when i got there, i thought i was buying a general admission ticket and ended up with a reserved seat in row N center.
i then went to AAA and think that my sales rep was once a man but now is a woman. There was just something about her than gave me that sense. I got some information that i needed and headed to whole foods for dinner. I walked to Rockerfeller center to eat my dinner. i was fed and went over to ST pats to light a few candles and told a guy that i would like a candle for his mom on the 11th anniversary of her death
i then headed over to town hall where i saw Willie Nile and Roger Mcguinn. celebrity 1& 2
(it was roger mcguinn that i could immediately place)

Chris and I saw Jakob Dylan who i liked acoustic. I liked his voice and lyrics and then the main act. TBONE BURNETT. he played mostly his new cd True false identity. It was 70s punk or brit pop wiht beatnik poetry with a anti bush administration message and lots of Hammond B3 Organ. the musicians were skilled and talented, the music layer but the show was like a car crash... i wanted to stop looking at the red and blue and purple lights that flashed but couldnt not stop myself. I was entranced on what was next but wasnt interested it the music or poetry just into the circus of it all...

chris and i left before the headliner was done and i headed home to get to sleep after 12pm.

i woke up and let the exterminator in and went to my interview in Manhattan. I walked uptown and somehow ended up on 6th over to adelphi and then on grand. I passed this little open air cafe and saw a man who i thought i recognized and backtracked back. sure enough it was Michael Stipe unshaven meeting a friend for lunch. An exchange of kisses and i walked on by...(celebrity 3)
i walked up town only to be spend hours walked and getting caught in a hella of a rainstorm and getting wet

Thursday, June 01, 2006

animal idol

the weather in chicago


Batwoman is gay

Batwoman Is Back as a Lesbian
AP/DC Comics
"We wanted to make her a more unique personality than others in the Bat-family," explained a VP at DC Comics on Batwoman's new direction.

Talk: Post Thoughts
NEW YORK (May 31) - Years after she first emerged from the Batcave, Batwoman is coming out of the closet. DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year.

The 5-foot-10 superhero comes with flowing red hair, knee-high red boots with spiked heels, and a form-fitting black outfit.

"We decided to give her a different point of view," explained Dan DiDio, vice president and executive editor at DC. "We wanted to make her a more unique personality than others in the Bat-family. That's one of the reasons we went in this direction."

The original Batwoman was started in 1956, and killed off in 1979. The new character will share the same name as her original alter ego, Kathy Kane. And the new Batwoman arrives with ties to others in the Gotham City world.

"She's a socialite from Gotham high society," DiDio said. "She has some past connection with Bruce Wayne. And she's also had a past love affair with one of our lead characters, Renee Montoya."

Montoya, in the "52" comic book series, is a former police detective. Wayne, of course, is Batman's true identity - but he has disappeared, along with Superman and Wonder Woman, leaving Gotham a more dangerous place.

The "52" series is a collaboration of four acclaimed writers, with one episode per week for one year. The comics will introduce other diverse characters as the story plays out.

"This is not just about having a gay character," DiDio said. "We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe. We have strong African-American, Hispanic and Asian characters. We're trying to get a better cross-section of our readership and the world."

The outing of Batwoman created a furor of opinions on Web sites devoted to DC Comics. Opinions ranged from outrage to approval. Others took a more tongue-in-cheek approach to the announcement.

"Wouldn't ugly people as heroes be more groundbreaking?" asked one poster. "You know, 200-pound woman, man with horseshoe hair loss pattern, people with cold sores, etc.?"

DiDio asked that people wait until the new Batwoman's appearance in the series before they pass judgment.

"You know what? Judge us by the story and character we create," he said. "We are confident that we are telling a great story with a strong, complex character."

DiDio spent most of the morning fielding phone calls from media intrigued by the Batwoman reinvention.

"It's kind of weird," he said. "We had a feeling it would attract some attention, but we're a little surprised it did this much."

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