Thursday, September 08, 2005

dreaming again

since i have been home, i have slept better this week than i have slept in months. I have started taking Evening Primrose because someone told me if helps the hot flashes..
I think it reduced them so they dont wake me up. My body is still tired and i am up twice a night. I got to bed a little later and wake about 830am- better than my 6am waking or 730 on weekends.

I have been taking Tylenol PM somenight to sleep and last night i tried Calms Forte because i was wound up from school.

I have been having a variety of anxiety dreams, dreams about tickets on my car due to expired stickers and inspection( my inspection is due in september and i have all month to get it done so there is some sense of reality to the dream) NY cops will ticket you for looking the wrong way. They look in your car as they turn corners to make sure you are wearing your belt or not on your phone. My anxiety dreams are infrequent compared to my dreams about Mary Chapin Carpenter.

i dream of MCC often- she maybe one person who i have have the most sympatico with, even before i met her.

i dreamed last night that i met up with her at a loft that she owned in an area that i believe was NJ but the loft was being renovated and the insides torn out and being replaced with new items. when we met, i thanked her and Mary Beth, her personal assistant who was also in the dream for their recent acts of kindness and generosity towards me. I raised my hand and they both linked their fingers in mine. Mary Chapin took her arm and embraced me while keeping her fingers linked in mine. she held on hard and when i loosed up, she grabbed tighter.

OUtside this building was a lake, or the loft that looked like it was in old factory or fire station was on a lake. and i remember telling MCC in the dream, i could move to a place that looks like this. The street was lined with Lemon trees that were ripening. I asked MCC if i could have some Lemons, as they seemed to belong to her. In my mind, i was gonna take them anyway. She said yes, i told her i wanted to zest them, like i see them do over and over on FOOD network.

MCC was packing her suitcase, as i started to help her, she was meticulous about laying out the clothes and making sure that each piece was in order and i went to zip the carry on bag, she stopped me and wanted to do the inside tie on the suitcase. INside was tweeds and slacks and tops, and i thought (how fashionable these clothes are for a larger size woman)

i referenced to MB and MCC that sally lindsay was my assistant on the project and she was outta work so we both had time and it would allow sally to be treated with dignity. I wanted MCC to know that Sally was outta work..

Sally Lindsay was also in my dream. she was a shadow figure on the dream and she was there to help me. I told her in the dream that we would meet for dinner and dinner was on me..

i walked with MCC on the road looking at the scene around me. The natural world was beautiful. the leaves were starting to change and i knew she was travelling. she held on to my hand tight and i thanked her for all she has done.. I thanked her for her effort.