Saturday, March 26, 2005

on stopping smoking

its been 7 years since i fought to stop smoking. I didnt want to do
it..and i did it over presidents day weekend.
the first few months were fine and the 6-12 were the hardest time of
my life. I found it a time that i needed someone to call to have a cup
of coffee...
i gained 40 lbs... ended up with some underlying anxiety and
depression that was being masked by the smoke all those years
I walked 6 miles a day home from work and ate about 1 meal a day.. i
really didnt know what to do with food because we smoke after food,
before food with food...
i ate a lot of gum and mints and cracked most of the fillings in mouth
and replaced all my old silver fillings with white ones... i also
bought caps
there are two laptops in my mouth
After about a year of stopping and gaining weight, i started shopping
for used cds rather than stick around the house... I recommend you
see what you replace smoking with
i ended up hating my job not because i stopped smoking but it created
a change that led to other my life
when i was not functioning and anxious.... i went into therapy for 20
weeks and ended up finding a new way of looking at me, at things at
life without cigarettes and managing my emotional life and a new job
i lost the weight after about 5 years... again my old methods didnt
work... i had maintained a weight loss for 10 years... but couldnt get
these 40lbs off...
i went to Weight Watchers and i am still there..
i crave cigarettes every now and then
i love the smell of fresh smoke... i tell people how hard stopping was
for me... and i dont recommend it for anyone.. i dont like the smell
of stale smoke on clothes or my staff ... i dont care if people smoke
in my house but i prefer the dont because I am left with the smell
i cleaned closets this summer and old boxes smelled of old dead smoke...
you will find what it means to you... expect outcomes you never expected..
i found that flying meant NOT having to look for a place to smoke..
i found that restaurants or meeting meant not looking to go outside..
there are places i smoked that remind me that i smoked there.....
the bathroom in the beacon STINKS.....with smokers in the basement....
i am glad i dont smoke and the pain level in quitting was so hard i
cant go back.....
stopping smoking was humbling and crumbling...
this is just my story....

good luck...reach out if you need
ask for what you need
be humble....