Sunday, March 13, 2005

saturday or sunday arent always a day of rest

i knew on friday night or earlier that i have pushed myself a little to far this week. learning where i could cut or Having to cut back will be a process.. kinda like relearning when i am hungry or full or not eating when i am not hungry. If you know me, you know what i am talking about

so i have been knowing that i was testing the boundaries of my tired limit and focussing on Tired is new. In the past, it was just perpetually tired, now it Tired and i have to monitor that. i expected a crash

I went to bed on friday TIRED. i woke up on saturday at 4am, 6am with my wakeup clock cat and then at 730. Normally that would have been enough sleep, It wasnt but i knew i made a promise to Amy to go meet her NJ. i was tired and getting lost and getting stuck behind a train and going 1 hour out of my way didnt help . NOw i have a reason to be cranky or tired ot aggrevated or that i am more senstive to it.. OH My EBV is kicking in ... maybe it is.. or maybe im just tired.
i got tired walking around the mall and felt the change and needed water and to rest and boy did i need food.
Dinner was a blessing and great food as well. Grilled veggies, grilled swordfish with a olive oil and tomato drizzle.
I knew that seeing susan werner is a blessing and curse. I missed susan and seeing george and susan(his wife) and Jane her roadie..
its been over a year and it was like a homecoming...I was embraced by my susan werner friends...
I had coffee at dinner and then at the coffeehouse church. I am starting to use coffee to get me through. I would have had it anyway..but now i am using it as a tool to get me over humps when i can get to go to sleep. Its a tool...its a tool.. its a tool.

But i still had over an hour to drive home.. I got home after midnight and went to bed after 1am..
i have been to bed that late in a year so i sleep, getting up at 4 and then at 8. I am tired but the 40 degree day makes me want to move or go out( maybe its just the coffee)
i want to go to manhattan, i want to go to the grocery store. I have to have my taxes done, i have to gather the last minute receipts,and i have to clean off the table.

i have to manage stress... Traffic is stressful, making wrong turns is stressful, bring late is stressful. worrying is stressful ...i have to relax and start to release so of the little things
Stressing over the delivery of my computer and UPS is stressing me out...
Work will always be somewhat stressful ......i can look for a less stressful job..or reduce the stress

eating well is not a problem or always a problem...i have to do it... fruit and veggies and exercise is part of my life.

i have to get more rest, schedule more rest and learn tired and not burn the midnight oil... i will learn the boundaries and learn what it means