dealing with fear
i realized that i have been struggling with the topic of fear. I was afraid of running into this woman adrienne who walked into weightwatchers a few weeks ago. I was sitting at the friday night meeting and she walked in and i welcomed her and she was surprised to see "her director". i stayed and helped her with the meeting and last friday i was afraid i would see her again, now that i am not working at CMS.
i went to weight watchers tonight and i was sitting at my regular meeting on thursday. the one thursday all semester that i could attend because i am on school break and didnt have a sedar to go to. toward the end of the meeting, in walked Adrienne. After the meeting, i got up and said hello to her and told her i expected to see her on friday.
she said she didnt come for two weeks and didnt know she had to pay for those meeting.her sister could come tonight so she came. i was introduced to her sister. I explained that thursday is my regular meeting and seeing i was teaching on thursdays i come on friday...but after may 24th, ill be at WW on thursday.
i realized that i have not been afraid of being out of work, yet. I have hope that if i choose a job that meets my passion, money will come. I was afaid of running into adrienne because i was embarrassed, so i was relieved when she didnt show up on friday but i was not off center when i saw her tonight. i greeted her with my head held high, i let her know when i would be at WW so she could avoid me if she wanted to and to let her know/see i was living my life before CMS
i realized that in the past i was defined by my work, i am not my work... i have integrated being a social worker into my life, the way i see the world or see movies or art and how i read the paper. My life is more than what i do... i am me and have a life outside of work. I need work for socialization, fulfillment, money, reward but i dont need a job for life.. i did it to survive because i need an income but not for life...
